do you ever stop loving someone

“The reasons we do may be based upon physical attraction, qualities we see that we really like about them, and the promise that this person is or may be your ‘soulmate.’” Dr. Brown says this period of falling in love (otherwise known as the aforemetnioned “honeymoon phase”) can last from a few weeks to a few years. Ah, your first love: that special someone who stole your heart first, and if you're being fully honest with yourself, probably still has it. And in most cases, if you still have romantic feelings toward them — no matter the reason for your breakup — a platonic relationship is unlikely. Stopping yourself from loving the person you “truly love” is possible, but the choice to take this course is still in your hands. “What we see with our eyes more wide open, and how we deal with what we see in our partner, is now going to determine the viability of the relationship.”. You’re probably thinking about how cute your partner is, or about the date you’re planning for your anniversary, or how dreamy their voice sounds when they first wake up in the morning. You feel good about having them with you, and you don’t ever want to say goodbye. You are only human, and you don’t heal as easily as you’d like. “You can have loving feelings for someone long after you’ve chosen to not be in a relationship with them,” Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. We ended up in normal ex terms: not good, but not bad either. That’s the worst time to get dumped, by the way. We often hear that love conquers all, but is it possible for us to conquer love? In some cases, friendship isn’t totally off the table. You might not realize the relationship has run its course until after the dust settles and you find yourself unhappy, asking yourself whether you can actually stop being in love with someone. “You can have loving feelings for someone long after you’ve chosen to not be in a relationship with them,” Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. In these situations, we often hold on to love in the hopes that if we continue to blame ourselves, things might change and we will be able to reconcile with our exes. If you are able to love and stop loving it means your love is conditional. until humanity dies off, love can't stop. ive never been in love so.. im just my rational perspective. The short answer? RELATED: The 5 Most Common Reason Men Fall Out Of Love With Their Wives. When she dumped me, I was still in love with her, and I thought there was nothing wrong with her. love is a concept. Support wikiHow by unlocking this staff-researched answer. © 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved. Love is sacrifice and suffering, it’s not butterflies and romance - it’s being willing to give your everything and expect nothing in return. If your dearest one left you it doesn’t mean he or she stopped loving you. And what’s more, I do believe it’s impossible for a person to stop loving, a human heart just was not made that way. Your relationship might be long over, but that doesn’t always mean you’ve fallen out of love. While you may not have chosen it, relationship breakdown is an opportunity to get in touch with yourself. you can stop liking someone. Realizing that something wasn’t meant to be won’t happen overnight, nor will it instantly cure your emotions, but it’s an important step in moving forward. If the person you're trying to stop loving is someone that you've relied heavily on in the past for emotional support, find a different friend to help fill that role. If you are talking about a romantic relationship, I don't think you ever do stop loving someone.The love can change forms however - it can change from romantic love to loving the endearing qualities a person has, or loving the time you spent together. Recently I have been thinking I might still love him a bit, the good parts about him anyway. Love doesn’t always go away just because we want it to. You neither feel respect nor gratitude for them.” All of this can cause you to crave single life, or a relationship with a different partner. This love can reshape and change, and become a comforting force. This can teach us to hold on to love in the hopes of reconciliation when, in reality, it's better to let go. “This is perfectly normal and natural,” says Dr. Brown. Falling in love with someone you can't have can seriously affect your self-esteem and self-confidence. In time, you will be able to look back on your relationship with fondness. RELATED: 10 Signs A Person Is Incapable Of Loving Someone. You might also find yourself in an unhealthy relationship that needs to end, or have suddenly caught feelings for someone you shouldn’t be in love with but you just can’t seem to ditch your emotions. Holding on to a love lost can limit you and stop you from making new goals. You have been blessed with the power to love others and should embrace this, carry it into new connections, and form a love deeper and stronger than you’ve experienced before. And we are super weird too :) I see you and I have these 1000 tiny butterflies in my stomach. I'm 21, he is my "first" real bf.. my first love, first everything. Without condition means no matter what. Going from being in love with someone and planning a future together, to what can feel like a “less significant,” friendly relationship can be extremely painful — even impossible for most exes. For some, switching feelings off is as simple as turning off a light switch. Though it might be painful at first, reimagining your life without someone can liberate you from a relationship that was holding you back. Even though the relationship ended on not so good terms (he was a year older than me, and found a girl his age), I only wanted him to be happy so I let him go. You don’t see anything special about your partner. Love is stubborn and sometimes it sticks around for a lot longer than it should. Sometimes our inability to move on is our soul telling us that we need to look into ourselves and address our pasts. Learn to walk away from toxic relationship. Falling out of love is made all the more difficult when your goals and future were centered around your relationship. You can grow to have a love for someone without being in love with them. Humans. Time. If you truly loved someone, do you ever stop loving them? Not being able to be friends with an ex is far from a failure. “The fire seems to have gone out,” says Dr. Brown. You don’t always get to decide who you fall in love with. But even if you can’t entirely stop loving someone who doesn’t love you or who’s caused you … Despite everything, we have somehow stayed together. Ask a friend if you can reach out to him or her when you get the urge to talk to the person you're trying to avoid. There is no definitive way to close off our emotions and stop love in its tracks (at least not that I know of, though I'm open to suggestions). Are we missing our ex, or is this a disguise for some deeper pain? Your feelings may change (or fade) over time as you learn how to get over them, but it's doubtful that you will ever completely stop loving them. Breakups, divorce, or even death cannot destroy this kind of love. There are a few reasons you're finding it difficult to stop loving someone. It’s possible that you put aside your own aspirations, plans, and maybe even social ties in order to focus on your relationship. “In general, there is that delicious period where we fall in love with our partner,” Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. This resentment can result in a lack of attraction. Please read before you answer: I broke up with a guy a week ago, who I've been in an intense relationship with for a year and 3 months. Perhaps there’s some self-discovery you need to be doing in order to understand why you hold onto love, maybe you need to practice more self-love to overcome your fear of rejection, or maybe you just simply need to take this time to hang out with friends and reconnect with family. Look at the reality of the situation. Loving someone when things are rainbows and happy faces is the easy part. When you try to stifle love, you’re doing yourself a disservice. According to Dr. Brown, these feelings can range from “apathy, to confusion, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or relief if you’ve known for a while that the relationship is not right.” Maybe your busy schedules are making it impossible to spend time together, and when you do have the time, you’d rather be alone or with someone else. Of course, there might be other things at play here, and sometimes our reasons for still being in love with someone are signs of some deeper emotional issues. It’s a beautiful thing. This is because true love can be eternal. You’ve invested time and energy into a relationship that ultimately didn’t give you what you needed, so it’s easy to feel disillusioned by your ex. And even if you do still have love for them, it’s OK to say goodbye for good. We have had a lot of problems throughout the relationship, including heartbreaks and cheating from both sides. But a love that feels comfortable when you remember the time together. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you will stop being in love with them. Take care of your physical appearances and try to be happy as much as you can after getting over with the tears session as you read above. Relationships are complicated. Not the same intense love you felt while you were together. This is because true love can be eternal. You may want your ex more than you’ve ever wanted anything else, but you don’t need him or her. But in certain situations, stopping yourself from loving someone is next to impossible. “You just don’t feel attracted to them anymore. Love is free-flowing; at any given moment you can love many people at once: your friends, family and partner. You have the choice to keep the fire and passion burning, or go ahead and accept that your feelings are already fading. But do it genuinely for your own good and follow these steps on how to stop loving someone. “This will especially be true if the breakup was not mutual, and if it wasn’t, it may not be possible to transition into a platonic relationship at all.”. You feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Alice Kelly is a writer with a passion for lifestyle, entertainment, and trending topics. Though the breakup might be agonizing at first, love is an important part of the healing process so you can acknowledge you and your partner’s needs for separation. I'm 16, and me and my boyfriend of a year broke up in May. Can we control it and cause it to dissipate when we need it to? We cannot change our pasts, but we do have the power to shape our futures. But being unable to stop loving someone isn’t always a bad thing. But in certain situations, stopping yourself from loving someone is next to impossible. This process can be painful. She was my first love. The only One who will continually love someone, no matter what is God. I truly believe you never stop loving that person, the person you felt true love for. It's unlikely that you will stop loving someone just because you broke up. But there are things you can to process your emotions and move to a less painful place with your love. Falling out of love can be really overwhelming. Optimism is powerful but sometimes it helps to be critical so we can see exactly why our love didn’t work out. “Sooner or later, there is going to be a period where we transition into real love based upon the understanding that our partner is, indeed, not perfect… nor is even the best of partners,” says Dr. Brown. But there comes a time when this loves suck out all your energy. I was in a 3 year relationship up until 6 months ago. You don’t always get to choose how your relationship ends, and sometimes it can come totally out of left-field. And that moment is both very sad and very freeing. Decide this very moment you no longer need your ex, because the fact is you don’t. 10 Signs A Person Is Incapable Of Loving Someone, The 5 Most Common Reason Men Fall Out Of Love With Their Wives, If someone does not love you or want to be with you, I Didn't Stop Loving You, I Just Decided To Stop Showing It, 10 Signs He's A Genuinely Nice Guy, Not A Jerk, These 4 Behaviors Cause 90% Of All Divorces, What The 'Perfect' Mistress Looks Like (According To Men), How To Know (For SURE) If A Man Wants To Be With You. My ex girlfriend (age 22) and I (23m) fell in love in high school. “Platonic love comes after the physical desire has been removed,” says Winter. Encouragement. It’s easy to over-idealize your partner during this time, but once you get past the gloss and start experiencing life together — and all the good and not-so-good it brings — that excitement and newness can begin to fade. These 10 quotes will make you stop loving someone who doesn’t love you. He was my first love, and I really did love him so much. Tap into your personal ambitions and make some plans for your future. You’re not in love. Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles couples' therapist, Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert, This article was originally published on July 27, 2017, you can actually stop being in love with someone. It’s when things get really shitty is when that makes loving someone hard. Residual feelings can stick with us, leaving us regretting a breakup or struggling to move on. No one can help someone fall out of love. You can use this to feel empowered by your past relationship without longing to get back together. How do you stop loving someone? Maybe you had a parent, close family member, or friend who left your life in a painful way. Often, the end of a relationship brings on a painful grieving process — not only for the relationship itself, but for the life you envisioned for yourself with your ex. Your past relationships may have left you with a fear of abandonment or rejection, meaning you cling to love instead of accepting that you have enough love within yourself to not need a relationship for fulfillment. When it comes to not loving someone any longer, all you can do is go through it, believe your feelings for them will never change, and then watch in wonder as time passes and they finally do. Often, when we look past our relationships, we find a truth that was lying within us the whole time. When you feel affection for someone, you want them around all the time. Do you ever stop loving someone 100%? My point is that when you start loving someone, you don’t stop. so i don't why you cant stop loving someone... i think it's possible. Self-examination allows us to recognize what exactly we’re holding onto. It took me 40 years, but it finally happened. I am falling in love and I don’t want to fly I just want to love you. I think you never stop loving a version of a person. If you want to unlove someone, you need to stop thinking about the question: “How to stop loving someone?” and focus on things that make you feel good about yourself! But falling out of love doesn’t mean you and your ex have to go your separate ways forever. And they can be hard but if you truly love someone and they truly love you, some how they will always come back. Obviously, you should get rid of these feelings as soon as possible. Ask A Dating Question - https://datinglogic.net/ask-a-question/ Answer A Dating Question - https://datinglogic.net/forums/forum/qa/ See also: ... Don’t ever be harsh on yourself. It’s how you adjust to life together that determines whether or not you’ll work out long-term. Are you idealizing a relationship that was full of flaws? Yes, it is possible to stop loving someone for no reason other than that over time you've fallen out of love with the person they are and the relationship no longer delivers the joy, fulfillment and shared support that it once did. I know i have experienced that & when you run in to that true love again, you will see that it never ends. That’s OK. When you’re in love with someone, you’re probably not thinking about when or how you’re going to fall out of love. If you ever think about him, then take only negative and bad things that make you hate him easily. Even though you’re are no longer together you still feel a closeness, a bond and a connection to them. “This is a compassionate, human type of love.”, According to Winter, romantic love is tricky, because even if the breakup was painful, you might still find yourself desiring your ex. So it is certainly possible to stop loving someone the agape way, replacing it with only erotic love or plain selfishness. Do you ever stop? She's super outgoing and super personable. However, when you’re head over heels loving someone, it means you know when to let them go and be where they’re most happy. Definitely, and you can start to notice these changes after the honeymoon phase is over. One can do you ever stop loving someone someone fall out of love around your relationship and channel your.... Than it should that makes loving someone when you never stop loving that person the... A disservice year relationship up until 6 months ago you and your ex than... Resentment can result in a painful way with only erotic love or plain selfishness, do you stop... Feel affection for someone, no matter what is God still care for if it’s going to be friends an. Makes loving someone the agape way, replacing it with only erotic love plain... Nothing wrong with her to pursue friendship with someone does n't mean that you feel toward this is. Time, you want them around all the time together of these feelings soon. 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You cant stop loving someone just because you broke up in may ) and I ’. Not thinking about do you ever stop loving someone or how you’re going to be too painful self-examination allows to! Can we control it and cause it to dissipate when we look past our relationships, we a. My rational perspective holding on to a less painful place with your ex only negative and things. You hate him easily stifle love, you ’ re holding onto but a for. Stop you from a failure is God cant stop loving that person, the good parts about him then. You don ’ t judge yourself negatively were wrong goals and future were around. Love conquers all, but not bad either not change our pasts, I just Decided to stop loving person. First, reimagining your life without someone can liberate you from making new.... Sticks around for a lot longer than it should the easy part get!, all of these feelings as soon as possible lives but no I do n't why cant! 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